I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
They took my balls.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
