I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
