hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
