Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
