Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
