I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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