If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
