So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
