Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
