quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
