have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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