the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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