How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
When did angry sex become our thing?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
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