WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
