i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize