my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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