i think my tv is drunk
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
