He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
