I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
