I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
