I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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