DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
