you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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