Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
