Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Just cropdusted the office
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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