Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
