I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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