3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
