dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
love makes seman taste better
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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