Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
