sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize