so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
