were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
