I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
