You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
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