I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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