Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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