note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
