Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
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