By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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