Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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