Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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