wrigley field is MILF paradise
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize