I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
