I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
