There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
