turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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