i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
