I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
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