We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
