how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
