Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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