So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
