The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
