Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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