So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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