Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
