I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
