Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
