She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
