I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
