Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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