This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Randomize
