She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
It's rum buckets o'clock
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
