he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
