I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
