that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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