When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize