guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize