now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
