You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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