I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
