Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
