Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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