How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
