Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Even my vagina gasped.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
