I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
