I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
