i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Randomize