he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
