just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Randomize
