so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
She's like a pop up book from hell.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
