that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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