My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
