and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize