he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Randomize
