shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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