Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
