He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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