so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Randomize
