I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
