holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
