just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
