so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
