But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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